It is like another mediocre days that I had so far. I start the day by looking at the wall clock, open up my laptop, open my email, and check my whatsapp chat. Basic and mediocre, I know. However, there’s something different today. I log out of my instagram account and I spend time thinking.
Last night, I dream about myself. I am still fasting but I accidentally eat the fish cake in front of me. Lately I know that I am still fasting, so that was accidental. It didn’t cancel my fasting, but I end up having guilty feeling (in my dream).
Dang! Suddenly I wake up from my dream then I start to search the meaning of my dream online. I was shocked when I read that could mean that I miss good opportunity in my life. Well in this fasting month, the time I do taraweh praying, could counted by my finger — means it’s not many. And when I did the praying, I am not really into it. I am just doing it to complete the task, and to get rid of the guilty feeling.
I start to have a self contemplation. Doing 5 times pray in a day is already my goals. I already reached that. However I am sad knowing that my sunnah worship didn’t go well as it should be. Too much listening to the music could be one of the reasons, I guess. Probably I will stop listening to the music and limiting my time for it, ’cause it didn’t force my brain to think. Music used to be a self rewarding to myself whenever I am in an overwhelming condition, but not for today.
The guilty feeling that I got in my dream might be caused by the opportunity cost that I get when I don’t do worship and pray well. It is sad I know. I easily get hurt nowadays. Moreover if people start to judge me just because I don’t have boyfriend or else.
Going back to the main topic. I start to realize that everyday is an opportunity. I already graduate from the MT program, being a permanent position in a respected company. It is really go well with my dream in university. And now what? I realize that I need to make new plan for myself. And this new plan isn’t just about career, but about life (spiritual, financial, love, and other aspects). I really need time to think and contemplate, without any distraction of others.
This day, I make a difference for my self. I start the day by listening to the podcast about career. Haha I forget when was the last time I put my heart into career. Some thought of mine is changed since some people (including my mom and my room mate), commenting about the career and my life decision. When I focused on career it doesn’t mean, I don’t want to get marry. It’s doesn’t mean I worship career more then anything. Truth is, I just want to secure my life in a career, an aspect where I think it’s the hard one, then when I already secure that, I will start looking in another aspect. For me this moment, I already feel secured so thatI will continue moving to the next aspects.
Back to the main topic. When I listen to the podcast, I get reminded about something. The informant said: “There’s always something that we lack of and it’s okay”. If I can assume the podcast, she said that everyone will always have lack in something, even if it is the director. What’s important for us is, how we could improve ourselves everyday. After all career isn’t just about money or pride, it’s about self improvement and adding value.
Another interesting part that capture my interest is when she said that meaningful conversation > watching serial tv. HAHA it was my principle long time ago! When I still go to college I don’t want to spend my time doing unnecessary thing like too much watching netflix, deepdive into music. It’s not really me.
Probably I need to go back to my principle if I’d like to be successful in my career. Successful doesn’t mean I get promoted and get that pride. Moreover, it’s about self improvement even when I feel like I was really inferior at first.
Ok, probably I will do more deep-dive into management and business ’cause I’d like to be an expert in this two field. I would go more than HR. HAHA it was sad seeing my grade is only 3.7/5… but maybe that’s true, there’s many things that I need to improve, and that is okay! At least I grow everyday. Become better person everyday. That’s my dream!
Enough said, I think that’s all from me for today. Pardon my english ’cause I am not really that good but I am trying hahaaha. See you!
